Recovering Nico-holic?

imagesIt has been 8 weeks since I’ve had a drag of a cigarette.  I am working on dealing with stress.  I realize that the puff of the smoke is a “breath”.  An inhale, and an exhale.  I’m not really breathing these days.  The stress is getting to me, I am very anxious.  Yeah, ok, the economy is tanking, people are freaking, investors are jumping ship, and – oh yeah – I quit smoking now.  Great timing.  (Not!)

But, still.  I have done it.  I’ve decided to write down the first 3 steps to recovery, from AA, since some of it seems a bit applicable.

Step 1: I admitted I was powerless over cigarettes, and that my life had become unmanageable.

Well, I was powerless over cigarettes-and I keep trying to quit.  Some people would call that crazy.

Step 2: Came to believe that a Power greater than myself could restore me to sanity.

Um, since I am feeling a bit crazy with my new “I-DON’T-KNOW-WHAT-TO-DO-WITH-THIS-STRESS-FEELING-WITHOUT-MY-SMOKE-BREAK” state of anxiety that I am in, perhaps giving it over to someone else to deal with isn’t such a bad idea?

Step 3: Made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of G-d as we understood Him.

See above.  If I screw up and smoke again, I can not berate myself.  But, G-d help me, I can not go through this again.  I’ve done this now at least 5 times in the past 10 years that I can think of – and I hate, hate, HATE this part.  I know it gets better with time.  I know that once the nicotine monster quiets down, goes to sleep in his nicotine monster cave, all I have to do is continue not smoking and he sleeps even more soundly and deeply.  I need to keep him sleeping.  But, this anxiety does not help keeping him quiet.  Maybe, this anxiety thing is him screaming now?

Remember to Breathe.

Remember to Breathe.

Remember to Breathe.


2 thoughts on “Recovering Nico-holic?

  1. Congrats on your progress so far. Remember to compliment yourself while you breathe :) You are doing a great job, you are learning a new way to deal with anxiety, and just like it took you time to learn how to do it w/ cigs, it will take time to do it w/o cigs. Give yourself that time — don’t beat yourself up for feeling anxious, making yourself more anxious :) Trust that you *will* figure a way to minimize the anxious feelings. You will. But it takes time.

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